


Spare Parts

by J (j_writes)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 18:19:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3988039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_writes/pseuds/J
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Really, what good is a robot butler if he doesn't come equipped with a full DDR setup?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spare Parts

**Author's Note:**

> [fictional characters based on the internet personas of actual people, doing entirely fictional things. I do not give permission for this work or any of my others to be used in Rooster Teeth content.]
> 
> non-RT AU, where Meg & Ryan are both single. inspired by [this conversation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpI8vrXBbaI#t=11m41s) from the Crypt of the NecroDancer Patch Game Club.

_From: mturney@rtmedia.com_  
_To: ryan@haywoodsecurity.com_  
_The plans look amazing! I have to admit I'm kind of tempted by the full package with the entertainment suite included, though. Because really, what good is a robot butler if he doesn't come equipped with a full DDR setup?_

_From: ryan@haywoodsecurity.com_  
_To: mturney@rtmedia.com_  
_I highly recommend it, if only so I get the fun of installing it into this place you have here. The real question is, will you let me make the dance pad retract into the floor?_

_From: mturney@rtmedia.com_  
_To: ryan@haywoodsecurity.com_  
_I'm sorry, is that a trick question? Do you even have to ask?_  
______________

"Welcome home, Meg."

"I _quit_ , James," she said dramatically, letting her bag drop to the floor and her body collapse onto the couch. The front door gently closed and locked behind her, and Penny emerged to sniff at her shoes as she kicked them off. "I've ruined everything I've touched in the last like three days. Don't let me cook tonight, or I'll probably burn the entire house down."

"Would you like to select a take-out menu to order from?" he offered. "Your last order was for sushi, last Thursday evening, and you ordered - "

"No!" Meg cut him off, unable to keep from laughing a little at his earnestly helpful tone. "Thanks, James, but no. I'll probably get something later."

"Understood." He fell quiet, and she curled onto her side, staring blankly at the wall for a few moments, letting her hand drop off the side of the couch to pet Penny absently. "Perhaps you would like to watch something?" he offered. "You have recorded the latest episode of _Reign_ , and the last three episodes of _Game of Thrones_..." She grumbled wordlessly, pressing her face into the pillow. He paused for a long moment before saying, "I will take that as a no."

"I'm pathetic, Penny," she said, peering over the edge of the couch at the dog, who looked up at her with big eyes. "Even my robot butler is sassing me."

"I believe," he replied calmly, "that is one of the main functions of my programming."

"Okay," she said, pushing herself up on her arms and glaring indistinctly at the ceiling. "No, I'm up. I'm doing things. I'm going to exercise, have dinner, it's gonna be great. _Then_ I'm allowed to collapse in bed, right?"

"Absolutely," James validated her.

She waved a hand at the middle of the floor. "I'm going to get changed," she said. "Cue up the dance pad, will you?"

There was a faint grinding noise and the familiar sound effect that sounded like nothing so much as a person whirring and beeping as the pad slid out of the floor. "I must remind you," James said, his voice following her into the hallway, "before you begin, that the left arrow - "

"God _damn_ it!" Meg muttered. "That's where this whole thing started, isn't it? I totally forgot. Hey, we haven't heard back from the security guy, have we?"

"Checking your messages now." There was a pause. "You have one message from a Ryan at Haywood Security dot com. Would you like me to read it?"

She sighed, smacking the button on the wall that slid the dance pad away again. "Sure, go for it."

"Meg. Stop breaking things. Or if you insist on damaging my carefully-installed products, at least have the decency to stick around town while I fix them, so that I can berate you in person. Okay, no, I'm kidding. Mostly. I have an install most of the day Wednesday, but otherwise I'm available any time to come take a look at your setup. Just let me know what works for you, and try not to set the toaster on fire again before I get there. Ryan."

Meg groaned. "I maintain that the toaster was _not_ my fault," she told James sternly.

"Of course," he replied. "How would you like to respond?"

She sighed. "I guess ask him if he can be here tomorrow morning?" she offered. "And tell him that I'll expect a discount for letting him berate me."

"Noted."

She went for a run instead, chasing out some of her frustrations on the treadmill, and by the time she was done showering and taking Penny for a walk, James had already cued up the same sushi order, prodding her as she entered the house about whether she wanted to place it. She ended up curled in bed under a blanket, Penny burrowed into her side, eating sushi and watching Netflix as James checked to make sure the house was locked up secure for the night.

"Man, what did I ever do without you?" she asked as the lights dimmed and the TV shut off.

"Undoubtedly," James said, "you had a sub-optimal living experience."

"Undoubtedly," she agreed, laughing quietly. "Hey, where'd we leave off in our book last night?"

"Halfway through chapter six," he replied. "Would you like to continue?"

"Yeah, maybe for a little while," she said, and curled up under the covers, closing her eyes and letting his quiet voice lull her to sleep.  
______________

"So, James?" Meg prompted, peering out the window. "I'm going to assume that I don't need to be concerned about the man climbing on my roof?"

"No, of course not," James replied. "I would alert you if it was cause for alarm. That is only Ryan."

"Sorry!" A voice filtered through the open window. "Didn't mean to scare you." A face dropped down, appearing upside down in front of Meg. "Hi."

"Hi, Only Ryan," she replied. She held up the mug she was holding. "Coffee?"

"Oh." He looked startled. "Um, no, thank you. Here, let me - " He disappeared , and there was a shuffling noise by the corner of the house before he emerged, right side up and smiling sheepishly. "One of your cameras was a little wonky, I figured I'd adjust it while I was here." He gestured toward the door. "Can I...?"

"Sure, yeah, of course." Meg glanced upward. "James?" she prompted, and the door swung open. 

Ryan's face lit up. "So the system's working out well, then?" he asked. He crossed out of her line of sight for a moment before appearing in the doorway. "You guys are settling in all right together?"

"I mean, he's like the world's creepiest roommate," Meg replied, "but in a good way."

Ryan grinned. "Mission accomplished." He stuck out a hand to shake hers. "It's good to finally meet you. I hope everything was up to your standards when you got into town. Most of the issues you've emailed with sounded pretty minor or..." he hesitated, eyes crinkling. "Well, like human error."

"Look, the toaster thing was totally a freak natural occurrence, okay?" she said, but couldn't help returning his smile. "I'm a little surprised you do your own maintenance. I kind of expected you to just send a guy."

He shrugged, and gestured toward the closet where most of his equipment was housed. "Can I...?"

"Sure."

"Nope, I don't really have guys," he replied, crossing to the door. His voice faded as his top half disappeared into the closet. "I pretty much am the company. I use a couple of contractors for installs, but the day to day is all me." It was only then, hearing his voice without looking him in the eye, that the pieces started to click together, the instant sense of familiarity and comfort she'd felt with him, the way his smile and the quiet amusement in his voice made her grin helplessly back at him.

"Wait, you're _him_!" He popped back out of the closet to look at her. "You used your own voice!"

He smiled. "I did," he agreed. "It's not too jarring, is it?" He looked worried. "The intensive system is fairly new, and our install base is still relatively small. I haven't heard many complaints yet, but if you're looking for something else in the voice controls - "

"No, it's great," she assured him. "He sounds really natural. It's just...weird. You have a face."

He grinned. "I mean, it'd probably be weirder if I didn't," he pointed out. He ducked back into the closet, his voice trailing out behind him. "I've had a couple of requests for other options, so I'm planning on getting some people into the booth soon. Haven't gotten around to casting for it yet, but if that would be more in line with what you're looking for, I could patch in a new voice when it's available."

"No!" she said instantly, feeling a lurch at the thought of replacing James. "I mean, I've gotten used to him, you know?"

"Sure," Ryan agreed. "That was the intention." He emerged, closing the door behind him. "Everything's looking good. So you haven't noticed any issues, other than the busted dance pad?"

She shook her head. "You've done some really amazing work," she replied. 

"Well, tell your friends!" He reached for the button for the dance pad, and hesitated, glancing upward, looking speculative. "Hey, buddy?" His voice dropped a little lower, more familiar, as he addressed the system, and Meg couldn't keep from smiling a tiny bit. "Can you pull out the dance pad for me?"

"Of course, Ryan. A malfunction occurred on Monday afternoon while the pad was in use." The sound effect played as the pad emerged, and it wasn't hard at all for Meg to imagine Ryan very seriously making bleeping noises into a microphone.

He looked at Meg over his shoulder. "Stomping on my fine work?" he asked, and shook his head in mock reproach. "After all I did to get this installed for you."

"Hey, the way I remember it, you were practically begging me for permission to put this setup together," she reminded him. "I seem to recall the word 'fun' being used."

"Well." He smiled to himself, prying up the cover and inspecting the damage. "I can't really argue with that."

Meg watched for a few minutes, then drifted into the kitchen, settling in to washing dishes while Ryan worked, puttering around and listening to Ryan and James tossing ideas back and forth in the same voice. With Ryan here for comparison, she was suddenly aware of the way James sounded a bit stilted, his words stitched together with some more hesitation than Ryan's, his replies a little more precise.

She took Penny out in the backyard for a few minutes, pausing first to let her sniff at Ryan's fingers with interest and demand ear petting, and when they returned, he was stretched out on his stomach, fiddling under the pad with his tools.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" he asked as she passed by him into the kitchen.

"Sure, what's up?"

"You named him."

"That doesn't sound like a question," she pointed out. "If I'm going to spend most of my time at home talking to somebody, yeah, I'm going to give him a name."

"Why James?"

"Oh." She shrugged and opened her junk drawer, rifling through it. "Because of this." She pulled out a crumpled page of notes and held it up to him. "I emailed you when I found it, and you said you didn't need it, but..." she shrugged. "I never got around to tossing it, I guess. I couldn't quite read your writing, but it looked like that might be what you called him."

" _Oh_." Ryan looked startled, squinting at the page. "That's...huh."

"Was I wrong?" Meg pointed at the corner of the paper. "There. I thought that might be his name."

"I mean." Ryan chuckled, setting the paper down. "It is." He hesitated, meeting Meg's eyes and grinning almost sheepishly. 

"It doesn't say James?"

"Nope."

"Then…?"

"Well. It's possible I call him Jarvis."

She laughed delightedly. "God, you are a complete and utter nerd, aren't you?"

"Hi," he said dryly, "I'm Ryan, I design custom security and entertainment systems for fun. Nerd kind of comes with the territory."

She crossed the room to settle down beside him. "So, what's the prognosis?" She tapped the dance pad with a finger. "Is it gonna survive?"

"I might need to get some parts in," Ryan said, "but yeah, you'll be...dancing? Do we call this dancing, exactly? Again in no time."

"Hell _yeah_ , it's dancing," Meg replied. "You should see me. I kick _ass_."

He looked at her, smiling. "I don't doubt it." 

"James?" she prompted, and saw Ryan's grin get wider as he replied.

"She does indeed kick ass," he confirmed.

"See, your AI backs me up."

"Oh, he's not an AI," Ryan replied quickly, looking faintly concerned. "He's just...highly specialized in his response patterns."

She waved a hand. "Your robot," she corrected herself, and his expression faded into relief.

"It's just...I don't want people getting the wrong idea about what I'm selling them. He's friendly, but he's never gonna be your friend. You don't think he was marketed as an AI, do you?"

She grinned. "Worried I'm going to get a crush on my security system?"

His face went red. "Oh god. No, I hadn't even - is that a _thing_?"

"I mean, according to the internet, everything's a thing," Meg pointed out. "Don't worry, James is a little...disembodied for my taste." She took in Ryan's earnest expression, his bright eyes, the capable way his fingers were working over the machine even as they talked, and refrained from pointing out that he didn't share the same problem. Instead, he got faintly pinker at her assessing look until she switched gears. "Trying to keep from getting sued by people who don't know what they're getting into?"

"Yeah, well," he shifted his eyes back to the dance pad. "I'm not going to say it's not a concern. This is a new field and a set of still evolving technologies. I'm glad he's working out well for you, but there are a lot of bugs to work out, both literal coding ones and otherwise." He snapped the cover back onto the foot pedal and patted the middle plate, glancing upward. "Okay, buddy, you can close it up." He started packing up his tools. "I'm going to have to order some parts," he told Meg, "but if I can come back sometime early next week, I can get it working good as new."

"Awesome," she replied. "And then you'll have to let me school your ass on it."

He laughed. "Yeah, I'm not really big on the dancing thing," he said. He waved a hand at the rest of her gaming setup. "Anything else you've got, though," he offered, and she grinned. 

"Oh, you might live to regret that," she replied. 

"Hey, I've got to test this system out, right?" he offered. "Quality control? I haven't seen it since you moved all your stuff in." He stood, stretching. "The bean bags were an inspired purchase, I have to say."

"Oh my god, have you tried these?" Meg demanded. "They're _amazing_." She flopped back onto one in demonstration, and Ryan laughed, looking down at her.

"They look it," he said with feeling, and there was something wistful enough in his expression that she felt no hesitation reaching up to grab his hand, pulling him towards her. He hesitated for just a moment with a lift of his eyebrows, an _are you serious?_ expression, and then he let himself fall, knees first, collapsing beside her and laughing as his face pressed into the bean bag. 

She curled onto her side, taking the opportunity to study him up close, the peaceful expression on his face, the firm warm pressure of the skin of his arm against her side, the way his hair fell lightly over his forehead. The familiarity of his voice and their months of correspondence had left her feeling oddly comfortable with him, and the way he relaxed beside her seemed to indicate that she wasn't alone. When his eyes flickered open, he gave her a slow unguarded smile.

"Sorry," he said, his voice faintly muffled, "but you're never getting me out of here."

"I wonder how much of your business you could program James to run," she said, "you know, if you just gave up and lived on my bean bag for the rest of your life."

He chuckled. "He'd probably do a better job of it than I do," he said. "Hey, buddy, go find me people to do some recording so you'll have some company, will you?"

"Have you considered Meg?" James replied instantly. "She has a pleasant conversational style and experience with voice recording."

Meg laughed. "You're just saying that because I'm the only one you talk to," she replied, but when she turned back to Ryan, she found him eyeing her speculatively. 

"Hey," he said, propping himself up on an arm. "He's not wrong. You kind of do talk for a living, don't you? Although I guess we'd be going for something a little more casual than you do on your news show..."

She raised her eyebrows. "You're familiar with my work? I'm flattered."

"I mean." Ryan shrugged. "I might have googled you. A little."

"Oh yeah?" Meg poked him lightly in the side. "Do you check up on all your clients, or...?"

"Just the ones with awesome priorities in their gaming setups," he said, but he flushed lightly, looking faintly embarrassed. "It's not a bad idea, though," he pressed on, "I mean, if you'd be interested. It's a lot of recording, there are a ton of variations on replies and possible necessary words that I've scripted out, but you'd get paid, and I think you'd be a natural at it." He sat up, laziness fading under his increasing excitement, and Meg grinned, charmed by his enthusiasm.

"Tell you what," she said. "You get my dance pad up and running, and I'll play you for it."

He laughed. "So, that's a no, then."

"It's not! You win, and I'll do your recording."

"Yeah, okay, and what about in _this_ universe, where _you_ win?"

She shrugged. "I'll still do your recording, _and_ I'll have the satisfaction of kicking your ass."

He blinked. "That's it?"

"All you have to do is show up."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "What's the catch, here?"

She shrugged. "No catch. I think it sounds like a lot of fun, actually."

"So the...'dancing,'" he put it in air quotes, "is just to fuck with me."

"Pretty much, yeah," Meg agreed, grinning at him. "Is that gonna be a problem?"

"Nah." His smile was quick and easy, and she found herself already looking forward to the thought of recording with him, collaborating and tossing reaction dialogue back and forth, bantering as easily as they had over email. "You want me to make a fool of myself, I'll do it. But I'm pretty sure there will be very little satisfaction involved in beating me. I mean, it's not particularly satisfying if it's just sad, is it?"

"It is possible that you underestimate Meg's competitiveness," James suggested, and Ryan laughed. 

"Possible," he said, "but not likely." He stuck out a hand, and Meg shook it. "You're on." He checked his watch. "I have another repair I have to get to, but I'll let you know when your parts come in, and I'll try to prepare for my humiliation in the meantime."

"Looking forward to it," Meg replied honestly, pushing herself up out of the bean bag, and giggled as Ryan struggled to do the same. 

He gathered up his tools and paused by the door, smiling softly at her. "Seriously," he said, "thank you. This has been something I've been trying to do for a long time, and I just haven't found the time to go looking for people."

"Yeah, well," she said, "clearly you programmed your robot to have great ideas."

"Clearly," he agreed. "Bye, buddy," he called to James. 

"Goodbye, Ryan."

"You two take care of each other," he said, and something about the fondness in the words for both of them made Meg's chest feel tight. It was an unfamiliar tone, one James didn't have, and she found herself wanting to talk to Ryan more, to draw it out of him, making him smile quietly at her.

"Come back ready to dance!" she said lightly, and he let out a sound that was half laugh, half groan.

"Great," he said dryly, but he pressed a hand briefly to her arm on his way out the door, just a light touch, but warm and promising.

He emailed her that night, and she lay in bed reading his message on her phone, laughing quietly to herself. _Gee, I might not be able to get that part. Guess we'll just have to do without the dance-off. Too bad._ The receipt was attached, though, along with a calendar booking for Monday morning.

 _Guess you'll have to find yourself some new voice talent, then,_ she responded, and decisively accepted the meeting request.

"Would you like to pick up where we left off?" James asked, queuing up her book, and she nodded, tucking herself under the covers and shutting off the light.

"Sure, buddy," she replied, and curled up with her eyes closed, letting herself drift off to the soothing pattern of his voice.


End file.
